I am the kind of girl who will write her thoughts on to good old fashioned paper. Usually in the most vintage looking journal I can find. This whole typing my thoughts on to a screen is actually fairly difficult to me. Simply because the lack of authenticity. I feel like too many of us have our heads stuck in our phones way more than we should, so I like to actually sit down at a table and hand write my thoughts. I enjoy it because you can usually see my expression within my handwriting. If I’m angry, Its usually messy cursive. If I’m thinking quickly, my letters are usually slanted as if they’re racing off the page. When I’m happy, I tend to doodle a lot and make sure my handwriting is completely symmetrical. 

Therefor. Blogging has always been difficult for me, so I humbly apologize for the lack of posts lately. 

For now. I pray that you are enjoying your summer to your fullest compacity and walking in nothing but love. 

– Megs

Out Of Place

I’ve always felt out of place. My whole life. I’ve always been quite, shy, introverted. I can’t help but sometimes just feel so, in the way. The devil has just always had that foot hold on me of insignificance and anxiety. 

When I left for Uganda in January, I began to realize that missions work was my calling. I immediately left my little introverted shell and began to feel my importance in the kingdom. Then when I hit US soil it was like… BOOM. An overflow of depression, anxiety and insignificance. 

I left 2 months later for India. India was different though. I felt all the things I felt in Uganda, but one more feeling flooded my soul… I felt like I belonged. I felt at home. 

I think that’s why I like India so much. I left my heart there. I crave to go back. Even though it’s 100 degrees and 100% humidity, and they put curry in EVERYTHING… I crave to be back in India. I am 100% confident that that is where I belong. Where the lord has called me. It’s my nation. My homeland. 

Now I’m back in the U.S. fighting even more anxiety, and heartbreak, and stupid people who just don’t realize how freaking blessed we are to have what we have. 

But the thought that I’m going back in a month in a half brings an overwhelming peace over my mind and soul. I love India. I love it with everything I have. I miss the way that the lord speaks to me so tenderly when I’m there. I miss the children’s laughter in a poverty stricken village. I miss the big eyes of happiness looking up at me hungry for affection.

& I cannot wait to go back. 
   
     

To my future husband. 

Let’s spoil our children with the word of God, and never leave them wondering who Jesus is. Let’s teach them to minister to every living soul they come across and to speak nothing but life into their hearts. Let’s lead by example and love our children unconditionally the way that Christ loves us. Let’s teach them to keep their hearts lying at the cross. Let’s teach them to run to Jesus before they even think about running to us. I promise to stand by your side as you lead our family closer and closer to God. 

I love you even now.

Love,
Megs.

Day 1 in Uganda (an entry from my journal)

I landed in Entebbe this afternoon after our flight was delayed 2 hours. The step off of the plane and onto the red African dirt will forever be engraved in my mind. That step initiated the furthest I’ve ever been physically and spiritually.
One of the first things I saw as soon as I got off of the plane was a man on a bike with about 300 bananas tied to it. The culture shock started to set in. People are lined up outside begging to carry my luggage to the bus. They’re so eager to help and talk to the mzungus. We got on our 1994 20 seater bus and headed down the long dirt road towards Konkolee village. It’s roughly 100 degrees here, and the sun is absolutely piercing. Traffic in Uganda is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. There’s no traffic laws, signs, or lights. Cars just pretty much squeeze between anywhere they can and the “pikis” (motorcycles) daringly squeeze between that. Everything looks like a giant Mexican flea market. There are nothing but little shacks everywhere with small businesses inside where they sell things such as drinks, water bins, and airtime cards. They’re bright vibrant colors with random posters all over. Little children are playing outside these makeshift shacks while the men are typically sitting on their pikis communicating with other men, and the women are peeling corn or skinning potatoes. The looks we get as we’re driving down the road is priceless. They rarely see mzungus. The women give dirty looks, the men make inappropriate remarks, and the children are jumping up and down singing the mzungu song. The children are obviously my favorites. Uganda has no trash system, so there is literally trash EVERYWHERE. All over the ground, in the creeks (of which they drink from) and in the bushes. Once they get ready to clean up, they pile it up and burn it all. However, this is still the most beautiful place I’ve seen yet. Banana trees everywhere, hills, mountains, green grass. It’s seriously breath taking. My forehead was to the window the whole ride. I was so amused by the culture of these people that I was trying to take in everything I possibly could as well as study my surroundings. The thing I love most is the children. These children are literally wearing rags. Most have no shoes so their poor little feet are all torn up and consumed by jiggers. (little insects that eat a little hole and burrow themselves into the bottom of your feet leaving egg sacs)
However. They’re still smiling from ear to ear. Their bright smiles and eyes stand out from their dark skin. It melts my heart that when I give them something, like a shirt or candy, that they bow down in appreciation. My heart is overjoyed to know that tomorrow I will be spending the day playing with our sponsored kids in Konkolee.
We finally arrived at our hotel 4 hours later. The hotel is surrounded by a gate for our protection, and an armed guard keeps watch at night. The hotel girls had prepared dinner for us. There was chicken, beef, rice, bread, and pineapple. I just stuck with rice and pineapple to play it safe. We got the keys to our rooms and went to go settle in. Mine and Leanna’s room is roughly 10 feet X 10 feet with two little twin sized beds. The bathroom door didn’t shut and there wasn’t a shower, just a shower head and the water fell into a little bucket. They told us it wasn’t best to shower while we are there cause the water isn’t safe. 10 days without showering should be interesting.
As I laid in my twin bed trying to unpack everything I had just seen on that bus ride, Leanna asked me a question. She said, “what do you want from this trip, Meg?” I said, “I want to be wrecked. I want to reach a new level of emotion.”
And it’s absolutely true. I want the lord to just completely break my heart over these people. I want to know and understand the lords heart for seeing the way these people are forced to live.
Lord… Break me. And when I’m broken, break me more. I don’t want dry eyes at all while I’m here. I’m asking you to shatter my heart. Thank you lord.

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Day 3 in Uganda (an entry in my journal)

Today was hard. Today was my last day in the village of Konkolee where our sponsored kids reside. For the past 3 days I’ve spend this time dancing, singing, laughing, crying, throwing glitter, getting trampled on by hundreds of kids who want glitter, playing games, holding hands, cuddling, smiling, and loving these beautiful coffee colored children. Their smiles light up the sky. Their glassy eyes capture your soul. Their happiness is contagious. There is one little girl who has been holding my hand these past three days. I can’t understand her name, it’s in lugandan but the language barrier doesn’t keep us from loving each other. Gods love surpasses all language barriers. I gave her a necklace before I left so that she will remember the crazy mzungu (white person) that couldn’t stop crying when trying to say bye to her. These kids are just so special. They’re so affectionate. They crave to just hold your hand, or be on your back, or to wrap their frail little arm around your neck. The ones who do speak English will constantly tell you “take me with you, I will work for you.” And it doesn’t make leaving any easier. They say “I love you, please stay” and it literally rips your heart in half. I have been crying for roughly 3 hours now. My heart is completely broken to know that I won’t see these children for another year. I don’t want to go home. The only reason I would want to is to see my family, but other than that I have no desire to go home. How can I ever live like I lived before after seeing the conditions that these children live in. Dirt floors. Mud houses. Straw roofs. No shoes. Extended bellies due to parasites from the green water they drink. These memories and visions are going to haunt me for the rest of my days. I know God is doing a major work in my life right now. He’s brought me across the world to show me a new kind of love and passion.

The joy I have to be here is incomprehensible. I cry simply because I’m just so happy to be here. Though the sadness of leaving these kids, I’m still the happiest girl on the planet. Every day in Uganda is different. Every day is exciting, but through it all, there is one constant – love. The love of the children and the love I feel welling up inside me every time their little hands curl around mine – the love of God

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Facts vs. Favor

“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke‬ ‭2‬:‭14‬
You know, the facts may tell you that you’ll never pass your classes, but one touch of gods favor can help you accomplish that.
The facts may say, “you can accomplish your dreams, it’s been too long, you’re too far behind.” But one touch of gods favor will put you ahead 50 miles down the road.

The facts may tell you that you’ll never get well, you’ll always have that addiction, you’ll always be depressed. But one touch of gods favor can set you free.
Just one touch of favor can override the facts.
Because 3 words for whatever you’re facing… GREATER. IS. HE.

“But from the beginning of creation, 
God made them male and female.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother 
and hold fast to his wife, 
and the two shall become one flesh.
So they are no longer two but one flesh.” 
- Mark 10:6-12