Monthly Archives: October 2014

Things that make me happy

Red lipstick (even though I’m too self conscious to actually wear it in public)
New journals
The feeling of finishing a journal
Leggings and denim shirts
New socks
Thoughtful boys who are actually curious to know your mind and heart.
Sweet tea
Chewy candy
Accomplishing small things like finishing all my laundry
A made bed
When my eye brows are on point
Cold weather
The stars
Being outside at night time
Generous people

It’s important to embrace the little things yall.
What makes you happy?




Let me ask you something.
What are your motives for some of the things that you do?
Go ahead, ask yourself.
What are your motives for spreading a rumor you heard about so and so today?
What are your motives for not liking someone?
Be honest with yourself. Maybe you’re just a little jealous because someone has something you have? Maybe not.

Now ask yourself what your motives are for facebook/instagram/Twitter.
Are my motives to get likes or followers?
Are my motives to be nosey?
Are my motives to seek for acceptance and approval?

I’ve come to the realization that maybe those are my own motives. Maybe those are your motives too.
Why do I need approval from people.
Why do I need to feel accepted by people I don’t see on a daily basis, or even from people Ive never even met?
I only need to be accepted by God. Gods not on social media.

Maybe our motives should be for ministry purposes. Maybe social media is in our lives to spread his word easier.

Think on that for awhile. And before you do anything in life that may be “unbiblical thinking” go ahead and ask yourself, what are my motives for doing this?



Though this journal Is a giant book of messy, bipolar thoughts, I’m thankful that I’m still able to recognize that even though the chaos, Jesus can bring you out of your messy thoughts and into His peace.

So to my writer friends out there… Remember that Jesus already knows what you’re thinking about. It’s a matter of, if you’re willing to let him in and help you climb out of the madness.

Love you guys!

Attacks, Attacks, Attacks.

I have recently been struggling with the fact that my family members or people i look highly to are currently attacking me and ambitions to go to Africa in January due to the whole Ebola epidemic.

Let me just make something clear, in the most respectful way I can (Which may not come off completely respectful but oh well).

There is absolutely nothing that anyone can say that will scare me from going to Africa in January. I understand your concerns for my health and safety… But I’m not scared. I have faith.
Jeremiah 1:19 says, they will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.
If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past year, it’s that Gods word is TRUE.
Wherever I go under the lords calling, He will protect me. I know exactly what I am walking into. I know exactly what the outcomes could be. But most importantly, I know that God is more powerful than the Devil. It says in the bible that Jesus has called us to do bigger things than he. And if you don’t believe me, check it out for yourself in John 14:12. NO LIMITS YALL. I intend on doing everything I can do to live up to that calling! 

I’ve had people tell me that I’m suffering from a “maturity issue” WHAT EVEN. A maturity issue? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that me listening to what the lord is calling me to do is a “maturity issue.” I’m sorry if I seem a little rude or fed up. But, I’m Insulted. It’s insulting because to me, that sounds like they’re questioning if i know the voice of God or not.

It makes my heart sad that people don’t see it the way I’m seeing it. No one will understand unless they have a calling like this on their life. The difference is, I am choosing to be obedient to God by actually going out and doing something instead of sitting on my butt behind a computer screen/phone not doing anything and insulting the people who are actually doing something. & SO WHAT if i have to be quarantined the second i get back. MY MISSION WAS TO HELP THOSE IN NEED AND THATS WHAT I SHALL DO. I don’t care what it brings onto my life. I don’t care if i catch Ebola. Because I did it all for a bigger cause! 

& if I were to get Ebola and die, or be murdered in some kind of war zone, (which I mean, come on… The chances are super low) then I would go out doing the lords work… And in my books, there’s nothing more honorable than that.

Sooooooo. In the nicest way possible… Please just save your breath. There’s no talking me out of this one. Don’t waste your energy on telling me things I’ve already heard a hundred times. Instead, use your energy on praying Psalms 91 hedge of protection over me, because im a stubborn girl.
There will always be people out there that just won’t understand until they’ve had a calling like this on their life.
You can approve, or you can disapprove… But I’m doing it anyways. And a huge thanks to all of those who believe in me.

Ps. Let me just point something out.

Confirmed cases of Ebola in Uganda, Africa (where I will be) – 0
Confirmed cases of Ebola in Dallas, Texas (40 miles from my house) – 2

Take that haters.

I hate dating

Something that has just really been on my mind a lot.
I really just want to skip the dating part of life, and just be happily married. I just cant really bring myself to go on dates these days. And its not that I have feelings for anyone else or anything… My heart just wont allow it! I cant bring myself to hang out with a man, knowing that thats not the person I’m going to marry. Its the weirdest feeling & it makes me look like a total jerk.

I will admit that my standards may seem a little high, but I don’t really feel like theres anything wrong with that. I don’t even feel like my standards are THAT high. I just want an intellectual Jesus loving man that has a calling on his life to travel, being the hands and feet of Jesus. Someone who isn’t afraid to pray out loud for strangers. Someone who isn’t afraid to surrender himself to Jesus during worship and lift his hands. Someone who will sit with me when were going through a hard time, and just say.. “lets pray”. Someone who would be willing to put their life in danger by traveling to a 3rd world country to help people! Someone who I cant sit with and talk about very deep stuff. Someone who will inspire me to grow in my walk with God in a whole new way.

I know thats a lot… but in my opinion, those standards aren’t high enough. Every single human on this planet needs to be like that. Thats how were called to be. To LOVE jesus and to LOVE people. To be walking demonstrations of who Jesus is.

It just seems like my standards are high, because we don’t come across people like this very often these days & that scares me.


Laying This To Rest & Finally Moving On.

Have you ever met someone and you meshed so well with them? For once in my life I was purely happy and enjoyed every day that I had to wake up. I had never experienced having someone so pure in my life and someone that was completely down to earth and did what was right. It was different but it felt amazing to have someone in my life that bettered me as a person and made me smile and laugh like the world was so carefree. You made me carefree. There’s this horrible pit in my stomach of knowing that you’re gone and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m frustrated with myself because I didn’t act quick enough and here I am missing you and having these feelings for you that cannot be put to good use. Nothing has sucked more than to loose someone who was such a good friend and inspiration in my life. You made me happy, you gave me butterflies, you made me want to do the right things in life. You changed me for the better and I hope I can continue to better myself with the things you’ve taught me along the way. I just want you to know you saved me. I was a wreck and getting into things that I shouldn’t have been getting into and you completely transformed me into something that was more positive and I couldn’t thank you enough for that. I wish you the best in life because you deserve it; you are a good person and I think so highly of you. So now I’m laying this to rest because I’m finally at a point where I feel comfortable moving on. Thank you for everything you did to my heart, mind, and soul.

I write letters to my future husband regularly. And I feel like that’s something very important to obtain. It keeps my mind on him, and not the other men who are just passing by. I don’t care if I don’t know who He is yet… I’m completely in love with him already.


If we were looking at it on an experience level, I’d be the last person to come to for relationship advice. It seems as if every relationship I’ve ever been, which has been like 2, has failed dramatically. But as I’ve grown older, I am able to see that those 2 relationships that has ended in my life has not been my fault. And as shallow as that seems, its nothing less than true. I’ve been screwed over, and it’s really given me a bad taste when it comes to relationships. I got so fed up with it that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone for a long time. I enjoyed sitting back and just watching other people in their relationships and observing the mistakes that made them fall apart. I learned a lot by people watching.

Heres what I’ve learned:


Every “I love you” every kiss, every hook up, is you giving bits and pieces of your heart away. Youre slowly adding more pounds of baggage onto your life. So when you’re standing at the aisle on your wedding day, you’re not able to give your FULL heart to your spouse. Your heart is missing pieces that are in other mens possessions. And I’m sure 75% of these marriages will end in divorce. I personally do not want to enter my next and last relationship with any baggage whatsoever. I want to be able to give my potential husband my FULL heart.


Dont ever (AND I MEAN EVER) lower your standards for a male/female. If you have your image of your perfect spouse in your brain, you don’t stop searching until you find just her. Dont ever let your morals drop. If you believe strongly in something, and you’re passionate about it… don’t let someone else degrade it. You chase after your dreams, you keep believing.. because your perfect spouse will back you up 100%

Equally Yoked

I can’t stress enough how important it is to be equally yoked when it comes to being in a relationship with someone. It’s important that if you’re going to date someone, you need to make sure that your morals are the same, that you believe in the same thing, and that you both want the same thing out of life. For example. If your plans are to remain pure until marriage… You need someone who feels  and believes the same. Don’t settle for someone who “supports” you, or who just “accepts” it. NO you need to make sure that they are wanting to obtain purity too! BE EQUALLY YOKED


I understand that we’re humans and that we all make mistakes. And I know how almost impossible it is to remain pure in the world we live in today… However, I’ve learned that if you make the conscious decision to remain pure until marriage, its much more rewarding. Sex is a form of worship to god. Sex is love, and God is love. So you can bet your butt that Satan is going to take something like sex and do everything in his power to pervert it. That is why it’s all throughout our media today. That’s why its hard to come across unmarried people who are no longer virgins. The devil is perverting the image of sex. Fight through it though! You can do it! Youve waited all this time, you can wait longer! Wait for your husband/wife.

I’ve thought long and hard about what I want in a husband. And I feel like I’m really close to finding him. And despite my age, I feel like I’m more than ready to start settling down with someone. I know what love is. And I also know that in order to have a successful relationship, it needs to be centered around Christ. I haven’t been in a relationship in 3 years and that’s because I choose to grow in my relationship with God before I get in a relationship with a man. I choose to let God ready me in His timing. And when He feel like im ready, he’ll send me the man of my dreams. So for now, I choose to be picky. I choose to have high standards. I just want nothing less than right.