I’ve always felt out of place. My whole life. I’ve always been quite, shy, introverted. I can’t help but sometimes just feel so, in the way. The devil has just always had that foot hold on me of insignificance and anxiety.
When I left for Uganda in January, I began to realize that missions work was my calling. I immediately left my little introverted shell and began to feel my importance in the kingdom. Then when I hit US soil it was like… BOOM. An overflow of depression, anxiety and insignificance.
I left 2 months later for India. India was different though. I felt all the things I felt in Uganda, but one more feeling flooded my soul… I felt like I belonged. I felt at home.
I think that’s why I like India so much. I left my heart there. I crave to go back. Even though it’s 100 degrees and 100% humidity, and they put curry in EVERYTHING… I crave to be back in India. I am 100% confident that that is where I belong. Where the lord has called me. It’s my nation. My homeland.
Now I’m back in the U.S. fighting even more anxiety, and heartbreak, and stupid people who just don’t realize how freaking blessed we are to have what we have.
But the thought that I’m going back in a month in a half brings an overwhelming peace over my mind and soul. I love India. I love it with everything I have. I miss the way that the lord speaks to me so tenderly when I’m there. I miss the children’s laughter in a poverty stricken village. I miss the big eyes of happiness looking up at me hungry for affection.