I am the kind of girl who will write her thoughts on to good old fashioned paper. Usually in the most vintage looking journal I can find. This whole typing my thoughts on to a screen is actually fairly difficult to me. Simply because the lack of authenticity. I feel like too many of us have our heads stuck in our phones way more than we should, so I like to actually sit down at a table and hand write my thoughts. I enjoy it because you can usually see my expression within my handwriting. If I’m angry, Its usually messy cursive. If I’m thinking quickly, my letters are usually slanted as if they’re racing off the page. When I’m happy, I tend to doodle a lot and make sure my handwriting is completely symmetrical.
Therefor. Blogging has always been difficult for me, so I humbly apologize for the lack of posts lately.
For now. I pray that you are enjoying your summer to your fullest compacity and walking in nothing but love.
I’ve always felt out of place. My whole life. I’ve always been quite, shy, introverted. I can’t help but sometimes just feel so, in the way. The devil has just always had that foot hold on me of insignificance and anxiety.
When I left for Uganda in January, I began to realize that missions work was my calling. I immediately left my little introverted shell and began to feel my importance in the kingdom. Then when I hit US soil it was like… BOOM. An overflow of depression, anxiety and insignificance.
I left 2 months later for India. India was different though. I felt all the things I felt in Uganda, but one more feeling flooded my soul… I felt like I belonged. I felt at home.
I think that’s why I like India so much. I left my heart there. I crave to go back. Even though it’s 100 degrees and 100% humidity, and they put curry in EVERYTHING… I crave to be back in India. I am 100% confident that that is where I belong. Where the lord has called me. It’s my nation. My homeland.
Now I’m back in the U.S. fighting even more anxiety, and heartbreak, and stupid people who just don’t realize how freaking blessed we are to have what we have.
But the thought that I’m going back in a month in a half brings an overwhelming peace over my mind and soul. I love India. I love it with everything I have. I miss the way that the lord speaks to me so tenderly when I’m there. I miss the children’s laughter in a poverty stricken village. I miss the big eyes of happiness looking up at me hungry for affection.
Let’s spoil our children with the word of God, and never leave them wondering who Jesus is. Let’s teach them to minister to every living soul they come across and to speak nothing but life into their hearts. Let’s lead by example and love our children unconditionally the way that Christ loves us. Let’s teach them to keep their hearts lying at the cross. Let’s teach them to run to Jesus before they even think about running to us. I promise to stand by your side as you lead our family closer and closer to God.
I landed in Entebbe this afternoon after our flight was delayed 2 hours. The step off of the plane and onto the red African dirt will forever be engraved in my mind. That step initiated the furthest I’ve ever been physically and spiritually.
One of the first things I saw as soon as I got off of the plane was a man on a bike with about 300 bananas tied to it. The culture shock started to set in. People are lined up outside begging to carry my luggage to the bus. They’re so eager to help and talk to the mzungus. We got on our 1994 20 seater bus and headed down the long dirt road towards Konkolee village. It’s roughly 100 degrees here, and the sun is absolutely piercing. Traffic in Uganda is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. There’s no traffic laws, signs, or lights. Cars just pretty much squeeze between anywhere they can and the “pikis” (motorcycles) daringly squeeze between that. Everything looks like a giant Mexican flea market. There are nothing but little shacks everywhere with small businesses inside where they sell things such as drinks, water bins, and airtime cards. They’re bright vibrant colors with random posters all over. Little children are playing outside these makeshift shacks while the men are typically sitting on their pikis communicating with other men, and the women are peeling corn or skinning potatoes. The looks we get as we’re driving down the road is priceless. They rarely see mzungus. The women give dirty looks, the men make inappropriate remarks, and the children are jumping up and down singing the mzungu song. The children are obviously my favorites. Uganda has no trash system, so there is literally trash EVERYWHERE. All over the ground, in the creeks (of which they drink from) and in the bushes. Once they get ready to clean up, they pile it up and burn it all. However, this is still the most beautiful place I’ve seen yet. Banana trees everywhere, hills, mountains, green grass. It’s seriously breath taking. My forehead was to the window the whole ride. I was so amused by the culture of these people that I was trying to take in everything I possibly could as well as study my surroundings. The thing I love most is the children. These children are literally wearing rags. Most have no shoes so their poor little feet are all torn up and consumed by jiggers. (little insects that eat a little hole and burrow themselves into the bottom of your feet leaving egg sacs)
However. They’re still smiling from ear to ear. Their bright smiles and eyes stand out from their dark skin. It melts my heart that when I give them something, like a shirt or candy, that they bow down in appreciation. My heart is overjoyed to know that tomorrow I will be spending the day playing with our sponsored kids in Konkolee.
We finally arrived at our hotel 4 hours later. The hotel is surrounded by a gate for our protection, and an armed guard keeps watch at night. The hotel girls had prepared dinner for us. There was chicken, beef, rice, bread, and pineapple. I just stuck with rice and pineapple to play it safe. We got the keys to our rooms and went to go settle in. Mine and Leanna’s room is roughly 10 feet X 10 feet with two little twin sized beds. The bathroom door didn’t shut and there wasn’t a shower, just a shower head and the water fell into a little bucket. They told us it wasn’t best to shower while we are there cause the water isn’t safe. 10 days without showering should be interesting.
As I laid in my twin bed trying to unpack everything I had just seen on that bus ride, Leanna asked me a question. She said, “what do you want from this trip, Meg?” I said, “I want to be wrecked. I want to reach a new level of emotion.”
And it’s absolutely true. I want the lord to just completely break my heart over these people. I want to know and understand the lords heart for seeing the way these people are forced to live.
Lord… Break me. And when I’m broken, break me more. I don’t want dry eyes at all while I’m here. I’m asking you to shatter my heart. Thank you lord.
Today was hard. Today was my last day in the village of Konkolee where our sponsored kids reside. For the past 3 days I’ve spend this time dancing, singing, laughing, crying, throwing glitter, getting trampled on by hundreds of kids who want glitter, playing games, holding hands, cuddling, smiling, and loving these beautiful coffee colored children. Their smiles light up the sky. Their glassy eyes capture your soul. Their happiness is contagious. There is one little girl who has been holding my hand these past three days. I can’t understand her name, it’s in lugandan but the language barrier doesn’t keep us from loving each other. Gods love surpasses all language barriers. I gave her a necklace before I left so that she will remember the crazy mzungu (white person) that couldn’t stop crying when trying to say bye to her. These kids are just so special. They’re so affectionate. They crave to just hold your hand, or be on your back, or to wrap their frail little arm around your neck. The ones who do speak English will constantly tell you “take me with you, I will work for you.” And it doesn’t make leaving any easier. They say “I love you, please stay” and it literally rips your heart in half. I have been crying for roughly 3 hours now. My heart is completely broken to know that I won’t see these children for another year. I don’t want to go home. The only reason I would want to is to see my family, but other than that I have no desire to go home. How can I ever live like I lived before after seeing the conditions that these children live in. Dirt floors. Mud houses. Straw roofs. No shoes. Extended bellies due to parasites from the green water they drink. These memories and visions are going to haunt me for the rest of my days. I know God is doing a major work in my life right now. He’s brought me across the world to show me a new kind of love and passion.
The joy I have to be here is incomprehensible. I cry simply because I’m just so happy to be here. Though the sadness of leaving these kids, I’m still the happiest girl on the planet. Every day in Uganda is different. Every day is exciting, but through it all, there is one constant – love. The love of the children and the love I feel welling up inside me every time their little hands curl around mine – the love of God
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:14
You know, the facts may tell you that you’ll never pass your classes, but one touch of gods favor can help you accomplish that.
The facts may say, “you can accomplish your dreams, it’s been too long, you’re too far behind.” But one touch of gods favor will put you ahead 50 miles down the road.
The facts may tell you that you’ll never get well, you’ll always have that addiction, you’ll always be depressed. But one touch of gods favor can set you free.
Just one touch of favor can override the facts.
Because 3 words for whatever you’re facing… GREATER. IS. HE.
“But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh.” - Mark 10:6-12
One of the things I tend to over look a lot is my ability to dance. Dance is one of those things that I really cherish. It’s one of the things I like to keep secret about myself. It’s my form of expressing my feelings. It’s a way to let go and dig deep into your feelings. It’s one of my passions.
Lately I’ve been so caught up on my upcoming events that I have been forgetting about it. As I was reading my packet of my jobs to do in Africa, it said “Megan, teach kids a dance for worship.” And I was like, “oh yeah, I dance.”
Dance is a very expressive art.
I’m pretty introverted and shy, but dance is kind of my way to step out of that shyness and really shine. I can’t talk in front of people very well, but if you put me on a stage to dance in front of hundreds of people, no problem.
I tend to overlook this talent I have a lot. So one of my resolutions for 2015 is to really dig deeper into that talent and make it grow.
Today was an incredible day.
We had a meeting about our missions trip today, and recieved all the information that we needed to know, as well as our new backpacks and travel chargers. I have 4 good friends who I’m close with that are also going on this mission with me. Amanda, Rachel, Shelby, and Ashley.
When we recieved our packets with out rooming buddies, I saw that Amanda was roomed with Rachel, and Ashley was roomed with Shelby. I was a little upset because I felt totally left out for a second. (I know, super petty.) but then I realized I was roomed with Leanna Brewer. My pastors wife. The FOUNDER of SPARK (of who I don’t know very well). And I quickly had a revelation that this was a god thing!!! Like, I’m roomed with Leanna for a reason. I’m not entirely sure what that reason is… But I don’t think it’s a coincidence that during my time of fasting, and praying about a job opportunity with spark, that I’m roomed with the freaking FOUNDER OF SPARK! WHAT IN THE WORLD. This could be opening a door for me! I’m also excited to get to know her! She’s such a woman of God and I’m incredibly blessed to be able to spend one on one time with her!!
So aside from that, I have recently been stressing about not having the money to get my immunizations for Uganda. Well, after the meeting, Darrell pulled me aside and handed me a check for $100.00 that a man by the name of Glenn Tidwell (someone who is also going to Uganda with us) I was in complete shock! What a move of God!
Today was another step in my faith and walk with God. I feel as though when things like this happen, complete miracles, it’s in our human nature to just submit ourselves to the lord more and more. We ask, and he gives. We cry out, and he answers. We believe, and he provides!
I was sitting in my room talking to my best friend about how much it sucks when you have a best friend of the opposite sex, and as soon as they get into a relationship with someone, they just drop you.
But then God gave me this incredible revelation, and I’m going to do my best to be able to express this through words.
When God created Adam, he created him as Male and Female. (I know that’s super weird to think about but just hang with me.) Adam, before Eve, had both male and female qualities. He was masculine and feminine. He had all the traits that women and men were designed to have, but in one body and soul. Then God decides that it would be better to give Adam a partner. Therefor he FASHIONED Eve from Adam. He took out all the feminine qualities such as compassion, emotion, ect. from Adam and gave that to Eve. Now we have male and female. Adam and Eve were created for each other. They perfectly balanced each other out. What one was lacking, the other had.
God has created us the same way. There is someone in this world that is perfectly balanced for you and I. Our Adam or Eve. But while Adam was pursing Eve, he didn’t have a best friend of the opposite sex that he went to. No, he went to Eve. Eve was his best friend and his love. Because if he were to go to another person of the opposite sex to express his everyday concerns and feelings, he would be taking away from Eve. He would be pouring out to another woman and Eve wouldn’t be getting that side of Adam.
I honestly don’t think God has called us to have a significant other, and a best friend of the opposite sex. It will always fail. We were not created to be able to give two people that kind of attention.
I can’t give my whole self to my husband if I was also giving myself to another man who I called my best friend. It’s just not physically or mentally possible.
Life is weird like that. But I love that. And that’s not me being selfish, that’s me loving the idea that God thinks I’m special enough to receive someone’s WHOLE attention. I may not have found that yet, but I feel like I’m getting pretty darn close.
Last night was a really good night in case you were wondering. Some church friends and I decided to go into Walmart and just walk around and ask people if it was okay to pray for them. Even though it may have PHYSICALLY seemed like a fail, it wasnt SPIRITUALLY. We may have been rejected many times, but at least those people saw that there were young adults in this world that cared enough to go out and pray for random strangers in Walmart. And I know that that planted a seed somewhere.
Afterwards, some friends and I came back to my house and sat in my room until 7am taking about God and reading the bible.
I think that God is really cool to give us the privilege to be able to just sit around and do that. We are blessed to live somewhere where we can do this freely.
I’m going to challenge you. Go out into the world this week, and do something out of your comfort zone. Walk up to a stranger and pray for them. You never know what kind of impact that could make on their lives.
Be a light in this dark world. Be a world changer.